No news is good news

Made it through Xmas. Whew.

Last night my cat, Inkblot, who doesn't really like anybody but me, slept on TK's lap while we were watching Exodus. My other cat, Milo, already loves TK more than me. Sigh.

Sleeper Cell

I can't wait to watch this new Andy Richter comedy called "Sleeper Cell." It looks like a riot. Have you seen the ads on the MTA buses? "Friends, Neighbors, Husbands, Terrorists."

It looks like Paul Reiser's on it too. This is gonna be better than 3rd Rock.

Resist the Borg

The Borg are (is?)the ultimate imperialists on Star Trek. I mashed together photos of a Borg and George W. Bush in Photoshop at the beginning of the U.S. occupation of Iraq. I used the image on a couple of signs at protests. Here was the result.

I guess I should have chosen a more oligarchical race of Star Trek people to which I could compare the prez. I don't know Star Trek that well. Maybe I should have painted George W. as a Romulan. Romulans seem kinda boring though. Boring and dickish.

Gateway to L.A.

About fifteen years ago, Los Angeles had a big competition to design a Gateway To L.A. that would be an iconic monument that visitors would see when they flew into LAX, along the lines of the Statue of Liberty or the St. Louis Arch. They got a lot of designs and picked a winner. I'm not sure if the funding fell through or it turned out everyone hated the winner's design except the committee that chose the winning entry. It never got built.

At the time, my father suggested that the Gateway to L.A. should reflect the attitude of people in the city and be a big "fuck you" sign. I drew his idea at the time and here it is.

Nerve

Someone gave me a couple of these fake dollar bills a few years back. I always figured if I got really poor service at a restaurant one day, I'd leave one as a tip.

Once a long time ago I went to a Swenson's ice cream parlor and said, "I'd like an ice cream sundae." The waiter said, "So?" This was in the early 90's before I had the "Kiss My Ass" dollars. I wish I had had them then. I haven't had a mean waiter like that since.

Clack: the Egg Cracker Update

If you're looking for a Clack device to ease the pain of removing the shell from your soft boiled egg, I recommend buying one from German eBay (ebay.de). You can't find a Clack on U.S. eBay, but there are plenty of German sellers out there. A lot of them have the "Buy It Now" feature, so you don't have to go through the bidding process. I bought one with a little, hand-painted porcelain egg at the top that resembles an angry rabbit.

Miss Evilkins

Inkblot now has a page on Catster.

What am I doing with my life?

Now that the holidays are rolling around

Mun Mun is working on "What Do You Say, Pops 3: Xmas Edition." At the rate it's going, it should be done by about Xmas 2006.

Did you ever notice that my dad and Marlon Brando in his old age looked alike?

Internet Archive

You may have wiped the slates, but the Wayback Machine remembers.

German saying

My dad's been using this expression lately,
Was man nicht im Kopf hat,
hat man in den Füßen.
The literal translation is "What one doesn't have in the head, one has in the feet." The meaning is if you aren't mindful of things/keeping track of things/planning ahead, you end up doing more leg-work.

Leeeeeeeroy Jennnnkins!

Have y’all been following the Leeroy Jenkins phenomenon? (TK heard about this from Julian Dibbell.There’s a very funny video floating around the net that is ostensibly a multi-user online gaming battle that someone has captured from the game World of Warcraft. A bunch of game players are about to enter the lair of some monsters and hash over their complicated strategy to avoid fighting all the monsters at once and getting slaughtered. Then, one of the players ignores the strategy and rushes into the cave, shouting his name as a battle-cry, ruining the plan.

I’ve read that the video was scripted and not a real game, but it’s hilarious either way. Check it out, man!

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2671154?htv=12 (Click "Skip Ad" to get to it)
(Check leeroyjenkins.net for other video files if this one doesn’t work for you) I think this video’s got a real central european ex-austro-hungarian sensibility to it:)

Apparently Leeroy Jenkins has entered the popular consciousness already. He was in a question on Jeopardy!
(http://tinyurl.com/8ytor)

You needed to know this.

More thoughts on the Astro Blasters ride

If Disneyland would only add a laser tag component to It's A Small World and let us shoot the little dollies, that ride would finally be an "E" Ticket. They could change the ride's name to "Find the Enemy Combatant."

I actually find It's A Small World fairly entertaining as is. It was always everyone's mother's favorite ride. I think a little more diversity in the African section could be represented though.

My Holodeck Vacation / Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters

There's this neat new ride at Disneyland where you get to shoot at aliens as if you were playing a video game. I love this picture of me with JC in sniper mode. TK can't wait until they install a ride where you get to kill hippies.

Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels Gift Shop

TK and I checked out the L.A. Cathedral on his birthday after going to see the Bob Baker Marionettes. I had been annoyed that they tore up a great parking structure adjacent to the Music Center to build the Cathedral, so I've avoided it. (You never can have too many parking lots in L.A.)

The outside of the Cathedral is modern and not super attractive. The inside design looks like it was designed by Starbucks, spacious with lots of light colored wood everywhere, not at all gothic. When we arrived there was a fellow giving an all day organ concert of the work of a certain composer. It literally sounded like someone making up notes as they went along.

The gift shop was fun. They sold lots of biblical action figures. I like this one of the resurrection scene (Jesus sold separately.) Though I'm not a Christian, I have to admit these Heroes of Faith toys look pretty fun.

Milo's credentials

Milo is already making friends on Catster. To my surprise, it turns out Milo is not a mutt cat, but actually fits into a breed. He appears to be a Norwegian Forest Cat. He is descended from Vikings. Who knew?

Milo now online

Milo now has an account on Catster. Inkblot is thinking about joining.
http://www.catster.com/?221983

Those wacky Danes

TK brought home a Danish movie called The Five Obstructions and we watched it. It's a documentary of sorts where this one filmmaker challenges another filmmaker to remake his short film in crazy ways. It's a riot...a quiet, cerebral riot.

Wireless at last, thank god I'm wireless at last

After a frustrating purchase and return of an Apple networking device that didn't work with TK's computer, we finally set up a modem from SBC. Hurray! Finally we can use the internet at the same time. Secret Friend suggested that using wireless networks may mess up women's reproductivity somehow. I'll have to look into that. I wouldn't want to microwave my ovaries inadvertently.

Mun Mun went to a library conference over the weekend. While it was a positive experience, let's just say Mun Mun has had it up to here with craft ideas using egg cartons and kleenex boxes.

The most interesting presentation I saw at the conference was about the future of computer assisted language translation. The upshot was that programmers are starting to capture previous translations by humans. So, when a certain piece of text needs translating, the computer could find existing translations. A universal translator probably won't be available anytime this century though. At least we have Babel Fish.

I'm still living in 1998

This is so yesterday, but did you know that Miss Piggy put out a perfume called "Moi" ? You probably did.

Please don't leave me

It seems like all my friends' blogs are dropping like flies. I feel like a lone narcissist in the wilderness.

Good going, Mun Mun

Last Saturday I had a moving sale with Oge, JC, and Danilo at my old apartment. I put out a piece of what I thought was empty luggage TK had given me to sell. The eleven-year-old kid down the street came by to hang out with my nephew. (This neighbor kid is known for some erratic behavior incidentally.) For some reason the boys became enthralled with all the pockets in TK's bag and the neighbor kid bought it for a dollar.

As he examined the bag, he kept discovering more and more pockets. First he pulled out a lighter of TK's and forfeited it to me. How did I miss that? I was completely chagrined and started thinking about how I was going to casually mention my little error to his mom before he did. Then, he dug deeper and nearly cut himself on a razor. Beautiful. I hope no heroin or firearms turned up when he got it home.

Before I throw away my 2004 day-planner

It's good to keep old day-planners for a while in case you are in a homicide investigation and someone asks you, "Where were you on the night of October 16th 2004?" Then, you will know where you were.

Here are some notes jotted down in my 2004 calendar.

Dicky: Aren't you going to finish your chicken?
Mun Mun: I've lost the will to eat chicken.

If you want to be a real fake jew, you're going to have to get a therapist.

"Don't take any shit." (Quoting my dad)

nurshing (a word I made up - not sure what it means - combo of nursing and nourishing?)

mysterious losers

Journal of Obsolescence, Journal of Powerlessness

Lost Underwear Tour '84
Hacking Cough Tour '89

Thank god I can throw this thing out now.

From my lips to your local store

A while back I wrote an entry about how they don't sell Golden Toe brand socks in the women's hosiery section of department stores and this bugged me. Inexplicably I kept getting lots of hits for "Golden Toe socks" appearing in my site meter. Well, last time I went to Macy's, low and behold, there was a display of Golden Toe socks for women! The Golden Toe people are listening to me!!!!!!

Now listen up the rest of you!
Baskin Robbins! - Check that all the workers at your franchises know how to make a decent ice cream soda. I often have to instruct these young whippersnappers how to make them.
Circuit City! - Consider hiring employees that aren't rude.
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf! - Your Chai lattes suck compared to Starbucks. Get some flavored syrups on your menu for godssakes (That goes for you too Peet's)
Morning Star! - Your breakfast links rule! Your fake bacon needs a little work.
Trader Joe's! What the hell happened to stocking Jelly Belly Sours? Bring those back immediately.

That's all for now.

Friend of Dorothy

The other day TK and I were watching TV and a commercial came on that confused TK. The commercial depicted Toys-R-Us employees talking in the aisles and mentioning this and that about Geoffrey, but never showing Geoffrey. TK asked me "Do you know Geoffrey?" I had to explain to him that Geoffrey is the giraffe mascot of Toys-R-Us. Somehow this bit of popular culture had escaped TK's radar screen. But it occurred to me that, along the lines of "Friend of Dorothy" in gay culture, "Do you know Geoffrey?" would be a good secret code for an underground railroad of pedophiles.
...........
I'm fairly certain no N A M B L A members read this blog, so I think I'm safe in making this joke.
...........
I put spaces between the letters of n a m b l a, so people won't come across that acronym as a keyword of this blog.
...........
I hope that works.
...........
Pedophiles revolt me. Really.
...........
I guess this post is inappropriate.
...........
Must I constantly censor myself?
...........
This post may self-destruct at some point.

Arrow Bear

Quite a few years ago, Maggie and I were having coffee at the Insomnia cafe (I think it might have been called Java at the time) and talking to a couple of strange guys. We somehow got on the topic of Arrow Bear music camp. I think Maggie or one of the guys had gone there for summer camp. The question arose about from where the name Arrow Bear Music Camp came. Someone explained that it was halfway between Lake Arrowhead and Big Bear. Ah, better "Arrow Bear" than "Big Head" I responded.

How did Mun Mun get to be so fucking hilarious?

In the future, we'll all be wearing tailored clothes

Have you ever noticed how in science fiction movies, the characters are always wearing perfectly fitting cat suits? I think it's because in the future all our measurements will be known by clothes manufacturers. Wait, it looks like the future is now! See the Intellifit website.

A few years ago, Levis had a program where they would take your measurements and keep them on file. So, you could order more jeans without going into the store. They discontinued that program, but it looks like they are reviving it with some fancy scanning mechanism. I hate trying on pants, so I've gotta check this out.

This may be on the next quiz

Mun Mun prefers low pulp orange juice. Please make a note of it.

Nesting

Mun Mun has been offline too long. I finally moved the cats in with TK last week. It was semi-traumatic for them. Milo is still hiding in the closet half the time. Inkblot is cozying up to Tim, but only in my presence.

TK had an accident on Sat'day night when a ginormous picture frame he was hanging broke and the cascading glass sliced his thumb. He had to get eight stitches and we barely made it to the Neil Diamond concert at the Staples center. However, we made it and it was great! Neil's outfit was only slightly sparkly. He had us turn to the person on our right and say, "I love you." That was easy for me 'cos TK was on my right. The middle-aged dad sitting on my left did not say he loved me. I don't know what the hell his problem was.

I just started writing thank you notes for wedding gifts tonight. Seven down. Eight zillion to go.

Surf and turf

One of TK's friends is a prominent restauranteur in L.A. who took us out to dinner at a nice steakhouse downtown (that he does not own) the other night. You would have thought he was a huge celebrity. The entire staff knew him and was sucking up big time. Free booze! Making sure the steaks were cooked just so! I've never experienced such attentiveness at a restaurant. I wonder if he ever gets sick of the groveling.

Wedding reception memories

TK's and my wedding reception was so fun I somehow sailed through it without getting choked up at any point, though I came close. However, the next day when we opened gifts, a card from Montserrat Fontes and Gillis, had me bawling. Montserrat (Monsy) Fontes is a novelist and a former teacher of mine. Here's a portion of the note.

"Tim and Mun Mun,
It's been a wonderful trail following you two to this final, special day. May your lives be built on the truths we save for those we love for life."

Isn't that last line great? And TK and I have already started! Last month I pointed out to TK that he occasionally drips pee on the bathroom floor and the other day TK broke it to me that often I have a build-up of orange earwax in my ears.

There were too many great moments during our party to list. In a rat-pack-ish style, TK sang a medley of some of my favorite songs accompanied by his friend, Steve, on piano. TK is the king of patter. He is also Mr. Love.

Other neat memories:

1. Observing my kindergarten-aged nephew offering a three-year-old girl a rosebud.
2. How in P. David's musical toast he changed the lines inTotal Eclipse of the Heart to "Once upon a time I was falling apart, now I'm only falling in love."
3. Hearing that both kids and adults at the party made new friends.
4. Hearing everyone's Rene LaMour story after the reception.
5. When best man Todd got choked up during his great toast.
6. When Todd pulled up "The Mummy" from Mad Monster Party on his iPod and we danced.
7. Being called a Mensch by my sister in her neat toast.
8. My brother's great toast in which he quoted Hector, one of the worker's at the "sacred" Apple Pan.
9. Going to McDonald's afterwards with TK because we hardly got a chance to eat anything.

Such a happiness!

Darci!

An exciting week so far for Mun Mun. Sunday was my wedding reception and today my friend Steph went into labor. I sat with her in the operating room during her Caesarean section and gave her the play by play of the surgery. Steph had done C-sections on pigs when she was doing research for her master's degree in biology. So, she wanted to know what was going on behind the curtain during the operation.

I thought I might get weak kneed from the gore, but it wasn't too bad. The surgeons seemed to use a lot of instruments that looked like shoehorns and woodburning kits. Darci emerged in a little ball. Guess who got to cut the umbilical cord? Moi!

Shiatsu!

My massage therapist is the best in the west. She is a loony genius.

Blessings up the a**

TK and I became husband and wife on August 28th. TK's friend, Todd, painted "Just Married" on the back window of TK's car and we received much celebratory honking on our way to Monterey. Someone even mooned us from the passenger seat of a car on Highway 101! It's not a honeymoon without a little mooning, I always say.

Tuesday we had both our faces scanned and etched with a laser into one block of crystal at the end of Fisherman's Wharf. Somehow our marriage felt more official after that. Soon we'll be wearing matching jogging suits.

Bring on the His & Hers apparel!

Ton of Bricks

Though it is by no means a requirement of a marriage with Mun Mun, one of the cool things about TK is that he is actually strong enough to carry me over a threshhold. What he may not realize is that I've gained a few pounds since he last carried me anywhere.(And no, I'm not pregnant)

Crucifixion themed miniature golf

Next time you're in Kentucky, go and tell me if this Golgotha Biblical Mini-Golf is still running. Bible-themed miniature golf is something you definitely never see in SoCal.

Stylin' automotive parts

Today I was in Duarte and made my first ever trek to a Walmarts store. I was impressed by their super-cheap selection of slick-looking hubcaps that spin. I guess Walmart is bad for mom & pop stores and don't pay their workers much, but they had some mighty tempting prices. They had a decent selection of toys too. I may go back...

I'm reading Howl's Moving Castle. It's fun. I'd like to see the Miyazaki movie when I'm done.

Handyman, Argh

Anybody know of a good handyman that works in the West L.A. area? Pops fell down the stairs today and his railings need fixing.

Looks Like Another Perfect Day

I love TK.

Lyrics to some Mad Monster Party songs

Our Time To Shine (by Maury Laws and Jules Bass as sung by Gale Garnett)

It's our time to shine
Our turn in line
Everybody gets one chance in life
To make their dreams come true
I can do it with you
It's our time
It's our time to shine

It's our time to shine
Our bitter wine [our bit of wine?]
We have drunk you long enough my friend
And now it's time to prove
We can make the right move
It's our time
It's our time to shine

You and me
What a pair we'll make
Today the world is ours to take
Nothing can stop us now
We're gonna win and how

Because it's our time to shine
Our turn in line
Spin the wheel
Our number must come up
We're covered every way
Listen world when we say
It's our time
It's our time to shine

(Take it)

Because it's our time to shine
Our turn in line
Spin that wheel
Our number must come up
We're covered every way
Listen world when we say
It's our time
It's our time
It's our time to shine


Never Was a Love Like Mine (Laws/Bass)

There never was a love like mine for you
Never was a love like mine
All the other girls you may have met
Never gave you love you're gonna get
There never was a torch that burned so blue
Never was a love like mine for you

There never was a love like mine for you
Never was a love like mine
All the love you may have read about
Honey you can just forget about
There never was a screen romance for two
Never was a love like mine for you

Tell me a thousand times each day
You've never been loved this way
Swear to me you'll never roam dear
Promise me you'll stay at home dear

There never was a love like mine for you
Never was a love like mine
Little cupids with their bows and such
Never shot an arrow that meant much
To any little love for any two
Never was a love like mine for you
Never was a love like mine for you
Baby, for you

Okay, this is pretty gross

There's nothing like having to vomit to remind one it's time to clean the toilet bowl.

Music Meme Stick

I totally dropped this meme baton, but I'm picking it up again.

Total volume of music files on my computer: You don't really care, do you? 577.9 MB

Last CD I bought: They Might Be Giants - Here Come the ABC's (I gave it to my nephew, Danilo)

Song playing right now: Outside a gardener is playing a leaf-blower enchantingly.

Five songs I listen to a lot these days:

1. "Our Time to Shine" from the Mad Monster Party soundtrack, sung by Gale Garnett

2. "Funny" from City of Angels soundtrack. It has a great line -"My life's a joke that suffers in the telling"

3. "Soolaimon" Neil Diamond Greatest Hits 1966-1992.

TK and I have been listening to a lot of live Neil Diamond so TK can identify songs where Neil throws in "non-words" for me. Also I was trying to figure out the real words. I thought he was saying "Blood of my wine wine wine, Got on my knees knees knees" but it turns out it's "God of my want want want, Lord of my need need need."

4. "Fu Manchu" from Frank Black's self titled album.

5. "Always Better With You" from Suburban Voodoo by Paul Carrack.

I will now hand off the meme stick to RedFive and Oge if they are reading.

A Gadget for Lazy People Like Me

A few years ago when I visited my cousins in Germany, they had the coolest gadget that made taking the shell off the tops of our soft boiled eggs a joy. You put a little round cup over your egg and drop a steel ball on the cup to make a perfect circular lid out of your egg shell. No muss. No fuss. It turns out it's called the Clack: the Egg Cracker. In German it's called an Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher. I shall have one. Oh, yes, I shall have one.

Marriage License

I like to tease TK for choking up easily around some of the things we've done to prepare to get married. For instance, he started to tear up when I showed him my wedding dress and I think when we made our final ring selection (we decided to repurpose my grandparents' wedding bands after shopping around extensively for new ones). However, it was me who got teary eyed at the County Registrar today when we applied for our license. TK pointed out that I happened to get choked up as I was writing the check out for half of the license fee. As much as I hate to say good-bye to my little dollars, I swear they were tears of happiness!

Airbus 320

Pops is slipping. He forgot to grill me about what kind of airplane I flew in to Denver.

Carnivorous Nights:On the Trail of the Tasmanian Tiger

Hey, Homes, have you read my sister Margaret's book yet? No? Get with it!

Here are some review snippets:

"A transfusion of youthful energy is delivered in this winning book by a pair of zany New York wildlife journalists ... [Carnivorous Nights] has a magical quality ... Ms. Mittelbach and Mr. Crewdson have written both an engrossing study of Darwinian natural selection and a gentle fairy tale."
-- The New York Times

"A top-drawer journey into the natural history of Tasmania from two Brooklyn-based nature writers....Neatly and wonderfully sews together natural science and travel yarn."
-- Kirkus Review (starred review)

"The quixotic quest at the heart of Carnivorious Nights is more than just endearing and engrossing, it's inspiring."
-- Jonathan Safran Foer, author of Everything Is Illuminated and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Data First vs. Structure First

I love this article. Thanks to Arthur D. Hlavaty .

Mounted deer heads galore

Mun Mun has been in Colorado for the past few days meeting more new in-laws to be. Here are some things I learned:

1. If you take a leak on one side of the Continental Divide it goes to the Pacific Ocean. If you take a leak on the other side it goes to the Atlantic Ocean.

2. I like a card game called Pitch.

3. Catching a llama is tricky.

4. Many caucasians live in Denver.

5. Squirrels are kind of assholish to chipmunks.

We passed a railroad in a canyon that looked like Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland.

We went to a town called Granby where a crazy welder ran amok in a homemade tank a few years ago over some building code dispute.

Colorado seems to have a rivalry with California that California is completely unaware of. California has Sees candy. That's all that matters.

Heartfelt Public Apology for Faux Pas

You could count the number of times I've smoked a cigarette of any kind on one hand. However, I do enjoy that funny handshake where you touch thumbs and pull your hands away and smoke imaginary doobies at the end of it. The question remains: Why did I choose to do that handshake with someone who is in AA for a marijuana addiction?

Argh!!!!

Possible answers:
a) I think towards the end of a nice engagement party for TK and me, I was a little addle-brained.
b) I am a complete idiot most of the time.
c) I am a lower companion deviously trying to get people hooked on drugs.
d) I was overwhelmed by his dudeness.

Such embarrassment!

I want to be the girl with the most [ice cream] cake

Had, like, the best dream ever this morning. Filled the bottom of a bowl with Sees Candy and then put Baskin Robbins ice cream on top. I was just about to eat it when the phone rang and woke me up. Thanks, Margaret.

Love Bubble

My cat, Milo, has always been a cat of action and not a lap cat. Lately he has been markedly more snuggly. I'm not sure what that's about. However, I don't feel that this level of affection is sustainable.

Unbridled Narcissism and Dullness

I know this is pathetic, but I love reading this blog's site meter to see how random strangers came across Mun Mun's Blog. Apologies to those of you who typed "Asaro Mudmen," "Pangea Ultima," and "Aztlan Rabbit" into a search engine and found this page. There is absolutely no useful information here about any of those topics!

Other searches that turned up this blog:

"Stinky Felix"
"Mun need my penis"
"the scab fairy"
"Al kinda"
"Super Yarn Mart"
"aphasias are in bloom"
"Hoppa Hoppa Reiter"
"My Dad Snores"
"Golden Toe Socks"

Today I'm getting my hair cut and returning some overdue library books. Please alert the media!

Pops screams so loud at traffic and inconvenient parking situations it rattles my bones.

More decadence

I've never been much of a drinker. After all these years, it turns out I just hadn't found the right drink. A couple of times at Lunaria's I've had these watermelon vodka martinis and they are so super good. It's like drinking a jolly rancher. I guess having a martini a couple of times per year is nothing compared to most folks. Hopefully I won't become my grandmother, screamingly drunk half the time. One might come across a bowl of punch spiked with watermelon liqueur and vodka at a certain upcoming event though...

Decadence

Still enjoying unemployment. Went over to Huntington Park to look for shoes to match my wedding dress. Oge turned me on to Huntington Park for clothes shopping several years ago. There is a formal wear shop every ten feet in Huntington Park. I guess it's because of all the Quince Anos celebrations in the Mexican American community. No luck with the shoes though. Apparently everyone orders the shoes? Hardly any of the bridal shops had shoes for sale and I couldn't get the straight dope because the shop people spoke only Spanish for the most part (or maybe they just hated this bincha vera). Perhaps satin shoes get soiled too easily. On the bright side, I'm happy to report there is now a drive through Starbucks in Huntington Park! Thank you, Magic Johnson! (Apparently Magic and something called Urban Coffee Opportunities are responsible) Finally a clean place to pee in Huntington Park without any hassle!

In other news, high school friend, Abby Travis has a new record out. Will have to check it out.

Brain slowly turning to mush

Spent the weekend with TK attending various parties and watching movies. A well-to-do friend of TK's has a crazy nice swimming pool with a hot tub and a waterfall. That hot tub was almost too luxurious and relaxing. I think if I had their backyard setup, nothing would ever get done again.

I wish I wasn't so terrible with faces and names. I have trouble remembering people I've met multiple times. There were two people I saw today that I had met on at least a couple of occasions apiece and I didn't remember them. Maybe at my little wedding reception I'll make everyone wear a "Hello, my name is..." sticker.

Rene L'amour is playing at Lunaria tonight!

Unemployed or on vacation?

It's amazing how little you can accomplish once you set your mind to it. Today I fried up a mess of catfish. Then, I ate the catfish.

Shrinkie the Bear says:

Walk down and fuck 'em all.

Hippylocks and the one bear

Saturday afternoon, before graduation, I came home from TK's house to change my clothes. I had heard from my brother that there had been a big garage sale or something on our block (my brother lives on the same block). I walked up my steps and saw a hat, sunglasses, and water. Someone's been sitting on my porch, I thought to myself. Maybe some garage sale customer?

When I opened my front door there was a strange man staring back at me.

Me: Oh, jesus christ! (flying down the stairs)
Drunk Hippy: Where's Colleen?
Me: I don't know what you're talking about!
Drunk Hippy: I was suppose to meet Colleen here for a party. She's always doing this to me.
Me: No one named Colleeen lives here!

Supposedly the drunk hippy got my neighbor's apartment mixed up with mine. Don, the drunk hippy, had climbed in the kitchen window I left open for the cat to get out to wait for Colleen, my new-ish neighbor.(???!!!)

Me: Could you just leave now?

Nothing was stolen and they guy seemed harmless. Maybe he was a thief with a quick excuse. Or maybe he was a confused, drunk hippy. I still haven't talked to Colleen. (Nice friends you got there) It took me a long time to call 911. I've gotta work on my emergency responses and detective work. Poor Milo will be confined all summer because I'll never leave that window open again. Totally didn't connect the clue of the overturned watering can next to the open window with the other items on the porch.

I like saying, "Iditarod."

Barnaby Jones

I was trying to remember the theme from Barnaby Jones the other day, but instead I dredged up the Rockford Files music. Does anyone remember the Barnaby Jones music? If so, please whistle or sing me a message at [*phone number removed*]. You know the area code.

This message will at some point self-destruct.[TK has already fulfilled this request; No need to respond]

What the kids are saying

This line is probably already passe on the playground, since I am just getting wind of it. Yesterday I met a fellow named Paul Carpenter who said a little girl said to him:

Talk to the booty, 'cos the hand's off duty.

I feel my life has been enriched.

Damnit. Inkblot has worms again. No wonder she's being such a crab.

I am about to become a Master of Library and Information Science, but I think on my business cards, I'll put "Mistress of Library and Information Science."

Half-baked idea number 8058

So, I was thinking it would be neat to write a series of biographies for children of folks I admire, such as Seymour Hersh and Daniel Ellsberg. I'd call it the Modern Patriots series. Or something. Who else would be good to profile? Ideas?

More breaking news: I'm reading a YA book called Boy Meets Boy. It's a riot.

Mun Mun Technical Genius!

I had enabled Blogger comments in my Blogger settings, but it turned out I had to slap some code into my template to make the Blogger comment links show up. Then, some comments magically appeared from Joel & Kim and J.C.!

I wonder how I can make the comment link text littler though...

Mun likes Megafauna

I like giant extinct armadillos http://www.bbc.co.uk/beasts/evidence/prog5/page5.shtml If anyone finds a good picture of the Aztlan Rabbit on the web let me know.

Check this article out. It says May 18th is the best day to change your life. http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/node/8003

May 18th is the anniversary of my adoption of Inkblot! The article must be right!

TK was a little horrified to learn I am a fan of super-pretty, occult, fantasy art. I used to buy note cards at the Sorceror's Shop on Santa Monica Blvd by this artist named Gilbert Williams. I am happy to see his art is on the web now at www.gilbertwilliams.com.

My favorite pictures are "The Gathering," "the Magician's Garden," "Moon Rising," "The Way Shower," "Faces of the Goddess," "Invocation," and "Infinite Possibilities."

Yeah, so, May 18th I wake up and find myself across the street from the movie theater the rat bastards must have moved me out during the night when I was asleep I lost my place in line and missed the first showing of the movie but saw Episode III later. The End.

From the line outside Grauman's

My Jar Jar Binks doll was returned to me this morning...headless! And the note attached to his foot said, "Jar Jar sleeps with the giant fishes."

Still in the Star Wars Episode III Line

So, here I am in the rain outside Grauman's Chinese Theater. How I wish I were at home drinking coffee with my cats sleeping next to me. Someone pinched my Jar Jar doll last night when I was sleeping. They hate Jar Jar here. I think the other people in line are plotting against me.

Have I ever mentioned my fanatical obsession with Star Wars? I'm blogging from the line to see the new movie right now. I can't seem to get a "We want Jar Jar!," chant started.

Mun Mun Getting Hitched!

TK and Mun celebrated Beltane on Saturday evening with more than Maypole dancing.

Mun Mun Quiz 2005

It's that time of year again. A time to assess one's knowledge of and reflect on all things Mun in preparation for the Mun birthday season. The following is just a draft of this year's quiz. The complete quiz will probably find it's way into your hands shortly.

1. Mun is addicted to

A) Caffeine
B) Ganja
C) Nasal spray
D) All of the above
E) None of the above

2. Mun MOST prefers French fries from

A) MacDonalds
B) Hamburger Hamlet
C) the Apple Pan

3. As a ploy to get a toy left under her pillow, as a kid, Mun invented and pretended to believe in

A) the Hair Fairy
B) the Toenail Fairy
C) the Scab Fairy

4. Mun has NOT been on a date with the lead singer from

A) The Knack
B) The Love Bunnies
C) The Sugarplastic
D) The Mr. T Experience

5. Identify Mun’s preferred brands

A) Kleenex, Charmin
B) Softique, Scott

6. This past Halloween, Mun and TK dressed up as

A) Hera and Zeus
B) Joan of Arc and "the hip, young priest who can connect with the youth of today"
C) Gloria Allred and a pizza deliveryman with a bomb locked around his neck
D) Shields and Yarnell

7. In the comic book that only exists in the minds of Mun and her nephew, Jon Carlo, the "kryptonite" that weakens the powers of Super Grandpa is

A) Strawberries
B) Leeks
C) Chow Mein

8. If Mun is Michael, Mun’s father is Vito, Paul is Fredo, Margaret is Sonny, and Oge is Tom. Who would Mun say family friend, Sammy, is?

A) Clemenza
B) Enzo
C) Moe Greene
D) Johnny Fontane
E) Carlo

9. When Mun was very little, she believed "Agony" was

A) A state of excruciating pain
B) The capital of New York State
C) The place where all the skeletons and ghosts live.

10. Due to the influence of a certain TV show, at one point in the 1970’s, all of Oge and Mun’s Fisher Price Little People (a.k.a. the Bustown Kids) became hookers, pimps, and rapists. That TV show was –

A) Starsky and Hutch
B) Baretta
C) All My Children
D) Charlie’s Angels

Good luck. No cheating!

I've got marketing on my mind

"...millions of quarter-inch drill bits are sold not because people want quarter-inch drill bits but because they want quarter-inch holes. People don't buy products, they buy the expectation of future benefits..." (Levitt, 1969, quoted by J.B. Quinn, in Intelligent Enterprise New York: The Free Press 1992)

An Incomplete List of Favorite names

Male
Random
Konstant
Lenny
Zim
Upton
Jack
Wheelo
Dash
Kodiac
Kovaks
Piotr
Wim
Twilo
Dalton
Minus
Zephyr
Marcello
Javitt
Shermy
Tadzio
Dersu
Vaclav
Murdoch
Arrow
Houdini
Eightball

Female
Larkin
Fenton
Claire
Clementine
Flannery
Ohatsu
Musetta
Briar
Darcy
Madrigal
Pocket

Today's post brought to you in Gungan

Last night Mesa ate a strange brownie. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesa had an experience Mesa had only seen from afar or watched on Sid and Marty Krofft TV shows. Huh? As mesa friend was speakin', his head and words began to stretch. Ooh! Mesa'd say things that didn't seem to make sense to anyone, such as 'der soreness in mesa throat is not where tis' or 'Mesa have convinced yousa Mesa am a Chinese waiter.' Way? Esqueeze mesa.

(Inspired by Maggie Sullivan) Today I'm in love with the Stith Thompson Motif Index. I want to caress its pages in the shadows of the research library reference stacks as it shows me its classification system for folktales. A kiss for each heading:

A. Mythological
B. Animals
C. Tabu
D. Magic
E. The Dead
F. Marvels
G. Ogres
H. Tests
J. The Wise and Foolish
K. Deceptions
L. Reversal of Fortune
M. Ordaining the Future
N. Chance and Fate
P. Society
Q. Rewards and Punishments
R. Captives and Fugitives
S. Unnatural Cruelty
T. Sex
U. Nature of Life
V. Religion
W. Traits of Character
X. Humor
Z. Miscellaneous

It's coyly missing some vowels. Its brother, the Aarne-Thompson Tale Type Index, does not share the motif index's intensely playful eyes, not by a long shot.

Check this. The guy that wrote the libretto for Porgy & Bess is the same guy who wrote The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes. Wild! I didn't even know the Country Bunny was that old.

Grammar fun at http://www.burgy.50megs.com/grammar.htm

It looks like Mun Mun is getting a federal grant to work in a public library next quarter (unless she blows the interview). Know what mommy would say if she were still around? "Real good!" I miss that.

I'm looking at a table from a book called Marketing Public Health: Strategies to Promote Social Change with the title "Pitfalls to Avoid When Developing Communication Strategies." One of the pitfalls to avoid is "Appealing to noncritical values (e.g.,good health) rather than core values (freedom, autonomy, control, independence)." I wonder if I can find a list somewhere of core values versus non-core values. What makes "good health" not a core value? I want to know because I'm trying to develop this totally manipulative marketing strategy for children's services in libraries that associates libraries with good feelings. Like if you read Fast Food Nation it talks about how MacDonald's associates it's image with weird things like patriotism. Do you think associating libraries with community pride is core enough? Is sharing a core value?

Incidentally,ya know how if you type a search in Google, you get these automatically generated advertisements along with your results? I thought this one was sort of funny:

Great deals on Core Values
Shop on eBay and Save!

I don't think this chocolate and jelly bean diet is working.

Why am I reading blogs when I should be doing schoolwork? Arrrgh!

Check out this Puppet Vision blog, eh?

The DMV is requiring me to have my thumb print taken to renew my driver's license. I hope nobody steals my thumb prints and makes little thumb molds to leave all over a crime scene. That would suck.

The Seven Film School Dwarves

Artsy
Touchy
Flakey
Testy
Sulky
Peevish
& Jorge

(Reject pile: Smugly, Hostile, and Saccarin)

TK forever, Ringo never!

Too many diamonds!

It's crunch time. Will Mun Mun procrastinate instead of doing her work tomorrow? Is a bear Catholic?

Reasonably Priced Castanets Found In Claremont

I had never been to Claremont before. There are many charming mom & pop stores. I like a town with fascist zoning and building laws. All the chain stores are outside of town (except Starbucks). Many colleges and LIBRARIES are there. Claremont is A-OK.

I accepted chocolate again the other day at the reference desk. At least I tried turning it down this time. But the patron kept on offering. I think it was Godiva too. Truffles in the shapes of sea shells. I am a whore.

Here's a German song my father used to sing to us while bouncing us on his knee. At the end of the song, you are supposed to drop the kid on the floor. Very German. But we loved it!

Hoppa Hoppa Reiter

Hoppa, hoppa Reiter
Wenn er fällt
Dann schreit er

Fällt er in den Graben
Fressen ihn die Raben

Fällt er in die Dornen-Hecke
Macht er eine Stacheldecke

Fällt er in den Sumpf
Macht der Reiter Plumps

Here is a loose translation:

Hop, hop goes the rider
When he falls,
he screams

If he falls in a ditch
the ravens will eat him

If he falls in a thorny hedge,
he will become a pin cushion

If he falls in the swamp
He will go glug glug (or thud)

I wonder how this would go over at a baby storytime. (You don't really have to drop the kid on the floor)

Maggie's Comet

I'm a disappointing older sister
silent at the winter station
home
from everything
I still pole the canals alone in the afternoon with the radio on
to feel close to him
but hey
aren't I also Mom's dessert?
a cool whip?
and didn't I draw a smile on the sun?
I can only talk with my eyes closed
only right by accident
and don't know where I am except for fun
just glad I got the red kind
and I miss our black spot,
isn't that weird?
sometimes I sleep in his snowsuit and lose a few minutes
all weekend touched a paperback I found in his couch like it was him
and yeah
I'm strong
I'm inevitable, a hunch, an experiment, lunch,
I'm a carwash on Sepulveda
and the fumes and the slaves and the patrons too
I'm an illionaire
my light shines whether or not it deserves to
my womb kicks with or without
I'm a magic wand waiting to be stolen
a neon sign only you can plug in
some people say you shouldn't have a plan b
but I have them from a to z
and do them all at once not 1-2-3
last night I jumped from a trampoline
and didn't come back down
world do you hear me
I'm single again
this is your invitation

By Maggie Sullivan

Here's a new fingerplay by TK and me.

This is papa's cell phone
This is brother's hotrod
This is mama's PDA
and this is baby's iPod

I came up with the hotrod bit. Maybe there's something better that rhymes with iPod.

I wonder what rhymes with Segway.

Loves This Week

1. The Caroline books by Pierre Probst, particularly the antics of Inky and Puff, also known as Pouf and Noiraud.
2. The painting Heap of Cats by Jesse Reklaw. (You have to click on the thumbnail sketch of the plump, nose-less cat, middle right)
3.Teaching Danilo finger-games (Did you know there are a lot more fingerplays than "Here's the church, here's the steeple..." and the Eensy Weensy Spider? I like "These are mother's knives and forks, this is grandma's table, this is sister's looking glass, and this is baby's cradle" and "Pitter pat pitter pat, the rain goes on for hours, and though it keeps me in the house, it's very good for flowers")
4.The song "Houseguest" by a dude named Franklin at the Mountain Goats concert.
5.The Shadow Song performed by the Mountain Goats.
6.Cuddling with TK at the Mountain Goats concert.

I like this Japanese saying from the Daily Soy blog -

Like small dried sardines grinding their teeth in anger

Help! There's a richness of martens surrounding the house!

You've heard of a "murder of crows" I presume. Here are more fun animal congregations.

I can no longer keep silent. It's time to blow the lid off a campaign of puppet neglect. A little bird told me that the Henson company shot a pilot for a reality show called America's Next Muppet where puppet wannabe's get to audition to join the Muppets. Why has this show not appeared in my television program? Why is it not in production? What television executives are depriving me of enjoying this series? What fools do not realize that the American public needs this show? Disney/ABC must pick up this show or they will be perpetrating an act that will live in infamy. Go to your windows right now. Open them up and shout, "I'm mad as hell and I want to watch America's Next Muppet!"

So, I was trying to think of other embarrassing music I like and the song from the movie Foul Play sung by Barry Manilow, called "Ready To Take A Chance Again" sprang to mind. That song was written by Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox. Norman Gimbel is the lyricist. It turns out Norman Gimbel wrote some other songs I like, most importantly "Makin' It," the theme song from the short lived TV series about disco dancing. He also wrote the following:

the Happy Days theme
the Laverne and Shirley theme
The Bugaloos theme
Killing Me Softly
the HR Pufnstuf theme (Or at least one song from the Pufnstuf movie. Still verifying.)
It Goes Like It Goes (From the movie Norma Rae)
the Paperchase theme
the Wonder Woman theme

By the way, David Copperfield=(Barry Manilow + Richard Benjamin) x dark eye shadow

My love of the movie "The Idolmaker" and its songs has been a source of shame over the years, but no more! I watched it again with TK the other night and it's still good. And it turns out the songs were written by this cat, Jeff Barry. Jeff Barry? That name sounded so familiar. Turns out, he's that guy Kate Sullivan has been raving about in her blog. He wrote a ton of famous songs and supposedly was the one who really sang the "Sha la la la" part, mimicking Van Morrison's voice, on Brown Eyed Girl.

A few years ago I took a screenwriting workshop with Eddie DiLorenzo, who wrote "The Idolmaker." Strange old guy...Go and rent "The Idolmaker" if you haven't seen it already. It's pure fun. It's not that deep or nothin'. Directed by Taylor Hackford too!

"Sailin’ ’round the world in a dirty gondola.
Oh, to be back in the land of coca-cola!"
--Bob Dylan

"...America, where they drink coca-cola just like vintage wine"
--Elvis Costello

I was thrilled and pleased today to find eight ounce cans of Coke at Albertson's. Twelve ounces is just too much! Eight is just right! I have a vague memory that Coke came in the little cans like this in the 1970's, but maybe I'm dreaming. Which reminds me: What ever happened to tomato aspic in a can??? I guess it no longer exists. Must look into it.

You think it's easy being a big slacker-flake?

I came across this feller's music on my wonderful trip to Australia a few years ago -

My Dad Snores
By John Williamson

My Dad snores, does yours?
My Grandpa snores too
Through walls and doors
It rumbles right through
M’Mum’s nearly goin’ insane
Though she kicks him again and again
What are we going to do
Your Dad, does he snore too?

My Dad snores, does yours?
Like an old steam train
There he goes again
Like thunder and rain
We tried a peg on his nose
When he snores through the TV shows
What are we going to do
Your Dad, does he snore too?

My Dad snores, he roars
Like our old school bus
What’s the fuss, he says
What’s the matter with us
So we taped him on a blank cassette
But he still doesn’t believe us yet
What are we going to do
Your Dad, does he snore too?

© Emusic Pty.Ltd.

8 Comedic Situations

As you probably know, Mun Mun is a master at comedy writing and has had many plays produced by the Bustown Kids and the Stuffed Animal Players of Holmby Avenue. You've probably wondered, "How can I write the next breakout comedy of the season?" Mun Mun has a trick for you. Just pick one theme from this list that hasn't been done in a while. Everyone will have forgotten about that type of comedy and it will seem fresh all of a sudden.

Each type of comedy is followed by feature film examples. You may argue that 6 and 7 can be conflated. My answer to that is "Fuck you! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Persuasive, huh?

COMEDY TYPES

1. FISH OUT OF WATER (Conflict comes out of character confronting new world)

Private Benjamin
Moscow on the Hudson
Crocodile Dundee
Sleeper
Bananas
Beverly Hills Cop
Local Hero
Austin Powers(1)
Back to the Future
Zelig
Ace Ventura (?)
Trading Places
Men In Black
Sister Act
Shanghai Noon
Beetlejuice
Cats and Dogs
School of Rock
Elf

2. THE DOUBLE LIFE (Conflict comes out of character hiding something)

Tootsie
Dave
12th Night
Mrs. Doubtfire
Big
Housesitter
Houseguest
Liar Liar
Paper Moon
Some Like it Hot
Camp Nowhere
Being John Malkovich
The Birdcage
The Truth About Cats and Dogs(?) (I never actually saw this movie)
My Best Friend's Wedding
City Lights
Deuce Bigelow
The Nutty Professor
Maid in America

3. THE OBSESSIVE QUEST (Conflict comes out of character going to outrageous lengths to get one thing they want)

Pee Wee's Big Adventure
The Blues Brothers
Something About Mary
I Wanna Hold Your Hand
Groundhog Day
A Christmas Story
Saving Silverman
Ed Wood
Young Frankenstein
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Hannah and Her Sisters (?)

4. FOOLS/INNOCENTS IN CHARGE OR IN EXTRAORDINARY SITUATION (Conflict comes out of character's naively gaining or wielding power)

Being There
The Jerk
Clueless
The Producers
This Is Spinal Tap
Home Alone
Ishtar
Foul Play
The Pink Panther
The Man Who Knew Too Little
Strange Brew
Buster Keaton shorts (most)
Who Am I?
Airplane
Duck Soup (?)
Bruce Almighty

5. LOSERS VS. THE NORM (Conflict comes out of characters' seemingly hopeless attempts to win while being true to themselves)

The Bad News Bears
Meatballs
Caddyshack
Coconuts(?)
Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion
Animal House
MASH
Revenge of the Nerds
Stripes
Ghostbusters
Muriel's Wedding
The First Wives Club

6. THE ODD COUPLE (Conflict comes out of opposites joining forces)

The Odd Couple
Harold & Maude
Rush Hour
Silver Streak
Romancing The Stone
Toy Story
Analyze This
Broadway Danny Rose
French Kiss
Green Card
Bulletproof
Say Anything
Jade Scorpion
Scared Straight (and other Martin & Lewis movies)
Midnight Run

7. ROMANTIC COMEDY (Conflict comes out of two characters' denying their need of each another. Yeah, I know - the odd couple is possibly just a subset of this one, so I need to rename it)

Bull Durham
His Girl Friday
The Goodbye Girl
Irreconcilable Differences
Annie Hall
Four Weddings and a Funeral
When Harry Met Sally
Look Who's Talking(?)

8. COMING OF AGE (Conflict comes when character's past role in life no longer fits changing self)

The Graduate
Little Darlings
Breaking Away
Diner
The Breakfast Club
Sixteen Candles
Brighton Beach Memoirs
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Postcards from the Edge

I'm not sure where a satire, such as Brain Candy, fits. I didn't really like Brain Candy, so I don't feel like watching it again to figure it out.

Mun Mun suggests you write an “Obsessive Quest” comedy. Just make sure the main character wants something weird, like a fancy bicycle or a BB Gun. Of course many movies combine types, but I'd say usually there is one central conflict in a comedy that works. I think, for example, the main story of Hannah and Her Sisters is an obsessive quest (the Michael Caine and Barbara Hershey storyline), but the subplot with Woody Allen and Dianne Wiest is an Odd Couple.

Does this qualify as a "paradigm"? Maybe it is a scheme. Gotta go. Milo wants treats.

Were those sesame seeds on your chair or flea pupae?

Used to know a fellow by the name of Jin Kim who I held in high regard for his declaration that he only liked porn of "people having sex with furniture." However, last night I viewed some mind blowing porn that trumps the genre described by Jin. It has to be seen to be believed. It was done by this guy named Joel Huschle who also writes the kickass blog Visual Nutrients Check out his videos and art at Kristi Engle Gallery, 453 S. Spring St., No. 741 if you can handle it.

Which way does your hair whorl?

http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/node/6626

Mun Mun is thinking with her dick too much. Know how I know this? Her floor is littered with leaves and she has not mailed her Xmas present to the Grassman's (Shhh. Don't tell Pops). Also, she has not returned some phone calls, the dumb bitch. Back to the grindstone!

Confidential to TKOh!: O-O-O That am the way to spell hugs.