Dreamed my cat, Milo, was an opera star and I had to drive him to various engagements in Germany and France in the middle of the night. In reality, Milo's more of a lounge act. Heh heh.

Jehovah's Nitwits
Dream 10/3/93


I am Dean Martin for the most part. Jerry Lewis and I get off the train in Texas or somewhere wearing black hats. We're either penniless jugglers heading for our gig at the now-cancelled-due-to-weather county fair or escaped convicts that used to be a comedy team travelling incognito.

Some well-meaning Christians have summoned two rabbis to their small town to participate in a religious conference dedicated to reaching greater understanding among the people. The rabbis have missed their stop. One of the smiling red haired Christians sees us sitting on our suitcases.

Jerry starts to have a panic attack, so I try to calm him down and explain how our plight is all a part of chaos, one of the laws of the universe. I get on a tangent. I'm trying to explain fractional dimensions to Jerry and I draw the beginnings of what is called the Koch Snowflake in the dirt, a fractal that initially looks like the Star of David. We're surprised when the Christians mistake us for two rabbinical scholars, but we play along either to con money off them or so that our identities aren't revealed.

In the car, Jerry starts to remember the snippets of Talmud instruction he had as a youth and begins to pontificate, enlightening them on Judaism, throwing in some made-up parables of his own, that to me sound like cleaned up Farmer's Daughter stories, but on another level are curiously insightful and thought provoking. They take to us so strongly that they ask us to sit on a float in their parade.

Being Dean Martin, I'm at the end of my rope and start drinking and fucking all the young women in the town. I'm on top of this somewhat inexperienced naked French girl and I start feeling her up. She's pretty much lying there like a statue while I maul her. She finally moans for me to enter her, not realizing I've just prematurely ejaculated.

Meanwhile, Jerry has found his true calling. He magically disperses an angry mob of antisemites in the town using only his wits and some very wise words. Some of the Christian women in the town witness this and are so struck by him that they convert to Judaism and Jerry starts his own synagogue. He starts to grow a beard and wears his glasses full time.

As for me, I take a few slaps in the face, and end up hooking up with a woman closer to my age who is the proprietess of a restaurant in town with red checkered table cloths. She puts me to work in her garden and I stop drinking. Now months go by when Jerry and I don't see each other.

And we thought nothing could ever break up the act.

Dream 4-30-93

Someone hands me a ten cent copy of the Socialist Worker
and there it is in black and white,
Cat Stevens appearing today and a lot of other words inside a box
For some reason a fatwa has been declared against him by the muslim leaders and he must constantly be on the move
Just like Salman Rushdie, the irony of it
I suppose the publisher figured anyone reading the Socialist Worker would not be an assassin, as capitalist bounty hunters tend not to subscribe.

I sit down in the back of this airport hanger-type place
and wait breathlessly with the rest of the lucky few
who saw the small announcement, and here he comes,
His hair is long and a lot straighter than it used to be and he is answering the grave questions from the grave audience about his plight and after a while, I finally get fed up and yell,
hey, how about a song?
and he begins to sing us a new one
but I've heard it somewhere before
Camel in an egg
Camel in an eggshell

Antidepressant Cocktail

Prozac didn't do the trick
but kept the bottom from falling out I guess
Zoloft made me a robot
Started reading Business Week and couldn't feel
Wellbutrin made me stutter
though my psychiatrist doesn't quite believe me
(it's not on the list of possible side effects)
Like Sees old-time-candies
Desipramine made me hop out of bed
but needed a little more oomph
Dexedrine like a quick cup of coffee
but the kick doesn't last, sustained release or no sustained release
New fangled Celexa and Lexepro
made me too sedate
and cry all the time anyway, what's the point?
Somewhere along the line
Concerta,Serzone, and Buspar,
most chilled my libido along with the ruminations
Ambien, always a delight

Now it's back to Prozac plus a smidgen of three others
The dreams I'm having!
I don't want to wake up
and I feel like killing everybody at the office
Our clients are Bristol Meyers, Eli Lilly, and the rest
They're relying on us to complete their dysphoria research
People say that living well is the best revenge,
but I can't seem to do that
I can get an “A” on any test, but an “F” in life
What will be my vengeance then?

Milo

Did you have a nice time running around in the crazy darkness?

It's such hard work not caring about anyone
So, what a relief for you to be so dear to me
out of all the angels ever bred

At night if I can't be alone,
a sentry watches over the museum in my head
I'm not sure if he's protecting my dreams or just my skull,
but no amount of safety glass, or prescription drugs can turn him off
He's why I never get any sleep at a slumber party
He might be why I wither around attractive men
But he's gotten used to you being close
even though it took a while

If I can't be a worldly success at anything else
at least there's this:

I have a cat loaf
I have an Australia
I believe I've reached a new level of disgust with my own filth

Occasionally I have gentle, angry humans
We're people that for some reason don't seem that special
Sometimes we touch each other like algae floating in the ocean
That's all

Dreamed about getting out Daddy's weak-ass microscope to try to look at the human cell, but all I could find was guinea pig shit smashed onto a glass slide. Opaque guinea pig shit at that!