Have you ever noticed that the bees that live near the picnic tables at Will Rogers State Park are total assholes?

Half-conscious thoughts--
1.I wonder what ever happened to the guy that played Fredo in the Wizard of Oz.
2.Cinnamon motive. Are you with that?

Conscious thoughts--
1.I used to feel guilty for calling him an effete bore behind his back, but I don't anymore.
2.You'll always be my secret password.

So, a friend from school invites me to a history-of-science lecture and free dinner at the faculty club because an archivist at the Biomed library invited him. The archivist has a display at the club with books about malaria from two hundred years ago or whatever.

So, the first thing we do is get our name tags and slap them on our jackets. We go over to the display of books and what happens? Somehow my name tag falls off my jacket and flutters sticky side down on top of some ancient manuscript. Holy fucking christ! The thing has my name on it for all to see! There is this skinny piece of plastic keeping the book open to a certain page. Thank god, the sticker landed just right on the plastic, so I was able to remove it without ripping the page. The archivist was eyeing me from across the room wondering what the hell I was doing with my fingers in the book. I 'fessed up later. Oy vey.

Attention: Sushi Packagers of America

You can stop including that little piece of fake grass in the sushi boxes now.

If you've been to a handful of children's birthday parties in the last ten years, you are probably aware of this odd trend of adding the words "Cha cha cha" after every line of the Birthday Song. This seems to happen at places where cheap, teenage labor is doing the entertainment. It does add some fun spice to the song and I like it because it diverts attention from any out-of-tune singing I might be doing. In fact, I think we ought to add "Cha cha cha" to a lot more songs, namely Amazing Grace and the Star Spangled Banner.

Newsflash: Cats not psychic

You know how people say pets can predict or sense earthquakes before they happen? A couple of months ago, I was lying in bed with my cats on a weekend morning. We were all completely languid. A small earthquake occurred, not very strong, but we felt a jolt. Milo and Inkblot definitely did not know about the earthquake beforehand. They were a bit freaked afterwards though. I won't depend on them to let me know the big one's coming.

This pageant about L.Ron Hubbard

sounds totally funny. It has some kicky songs about E-meters and other crazy dianetics stuff sung by 12-year-olds.

Dreamed I was spooning with my late Fergie-dog last night. Sigh.

I think the world could use a good, transgender rap star at this point in time.

Last night I ate an egg salad sandwich made with mayonaise that's been (after being opened) in my refrigerator for approximately two years. I still seem to be alive.