Shrinkie the bear says:

Remember we're all very flawed beings.

Dachshund Races

are happening on Margaret and Molly's birthday (July 10th).

http://www.losalamitos.com/laqhr/wienernationals/

Instead of reading my textbooks on subject classification and information retrieval algorithms like I should be doing, I've been reading this fascinating book called The Emperor of Scent by Chandler Burr. It's about this scientist, Luca Turin, who came up with a new theory of what is going on in our noses when we smell. The common belief was that we smelled things based on the shape of the molecule, but he found out smell is derived from the vibration of the molecule. (I'm only half way through the book, so I'm not sure how it turns out) One of the interesting things about this Turin guy is that he has an amazing ability to identify and finely describe smells. So, for instance he can smell a synthetically produced molecule and identify that it smells like a combination of styrofoam and metal. He wrote a perfume guide and describes the various "notes" of the fragrances. It's opening up a whole new world to me: the world of stank.

I've decided for my first assignment in my storytelling class to read Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece Meets the Big O. Paul gave it to me when I was 12 and he wrote in it "Mun-Sorry about the sensitized metal strip in the front. Don't ever work in a library, or you will discover their true meaning. I think this book is even better than The Missing Piece, and maybe is even his best book of all.Love, Paul, Christmas 1981." I agree it is even better than The Missing Piece. I remember I gave Master Wilkinson a copy of it about ten years ago, but he just joked and pretended I had given him The Story of 'O'. I hope this book isn't too psychoanalytic for kids. I volunteered to read stories to children at the Festival of Books. Eek. Maybe I'll break down and read them The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss instead.

Transcript of a Presentation by Your CEO (3rd Quarter 2002 Report, Fergie Inc.)

Last quarter's numbers are in. These power point charts show doginess has increased 5 % compared to last quarter.You have met your doginess goals. The quality of overall snugliness has improved according to a customer satisfaction survey conducted by the independent consulting firm of Milo Marketing Group.

Pee and poo poo turnaround time have held steady. Operations went full steam even during the two week hiatus when production of snoodliness was outsourced to Bob and Sue Associates.

The board of directors would like to congratulate Jason H., a leader who has been with the firm for over a year since headquarters moved from Pasadena to Rancho Park. Thanks to Anna L. for bringing new energy and doginess optimization skills to the table. Kudos also go out to Fergie Inc. sucontractors Denise, Rebecca, and Alex H. Give yourselves a big round of applause.

COO Mun M. is committed to reducing the pee smell by the the end of Q4. After the Sod-on-the-Porch Project failed, pee stench was at an all time high. However, with last month's launch of the Wee-Wee-Pad network, the smell has already been reduced according to Jon Carlo Testing Services who report that the office has gone from "reeks" to "kind of smells like pee in here, no offense." We believe with this new technology along with our new partnership with vendor, Carpet Train, who will be providing replacement carpet scraps, we will effectively keep pee smell to a minimum.

A few of you have asked me if there will be Christmas bonuses this year. Though profitability is up from last year, unfortunately we still have a ways to go. I remind you that we did get everyone enrolled in the veterinary insurance program in November and everyone received complimentary tetanus shots at that time. I'll just say it out right. Cash flow could be better. So, no bonuses at this point. However, if revenues increase and fewer citations for night barking are issued, there will be raises in store for top performers in the New Year.

Mun Mun Quiz III (2004)

See comments for answers.

1) Mun's secret nickname for her grandmother's dog, Fergie, was this Tennessee Williams character

a) Blanche
b) "Blue Roses" (Laura's nickname in the Glass Menagerie)
c) Baby Doll
d) Nonno

2) Match the Mittelbach with the character the way Mun would(6 points possible)

a) Sonny ________________ I) Mun
b) Fredo ________________ II) Oge
c) Tom __________________ III) Margaret
d) Michael _______________ IV) Paul
e) Vito __________________ V) Frank
f)Rocko _________________ VI) Fritzie

3) One day Mun went to work at the 'trieve accidentally

a) wearing one white shoe and one black shoe.
b) on Saturday
c) leaving her front door wide open

4) Mun feels that ________ is woefully under-used by society today

a) the wisdom of the elders
b) Yiddish
c) the library system
d) butterscotch

5) Mun's father reached this level of skill using a rifle in the U.S. army

a)Marksman
b) Sharpshooter
c) Expert
d) "Gomer Pyle"

6) Mun's protest sign when she last demonstrated against the war in Iraq read

a) War is bad
b) Honk if you are even mildly attracted to me
c) George W. is a poo poo head
d) Resist the Borg

7) Sadly,Mun has NEVER visited a museum or collection devoted to

a) Der Struwwelpeter (a German children's book from the 1800's)
b) pop-up books
c) cryptozoology
d) Arthur Rackham

8) Mun's favorite elevation is

a) 7,000 feet
b) 5,000 feet
c) Sea level

9) When he is not acting in films or starring on Broadway, Mun's stuffed animal friend, Eeyore, is writing what tome?

a) Donkey Xote
b) Eeyore's Art of War
c) Christopher Robin, Christopher Schmobin
d) What Color Is Your Tail Ribbon?
e) PETSA's Civil Disobedience Handbook (published by People For the Ethical Treatment of Stuffed Animals)

10) What weird thing does Mun NOT do?

a) Drink the brine out of Bubbies Pickle jars
b) Plot her revenge
c) Hold on to unused gift certificates from the 1970's
d) Ask people to walk on her back
e) Make pigeon noises
f) *69 telemarketers and play with their minds

11) When Mun studied at the Carlson Gracie Jiu Jitsu academy, a couple of her fellow students had freakishly appropriate warrior names. Which of the following was NOT among them

a) Attila
b) D'artanien
c) Lancelot

DEPRESSING BONUS QUESTIONS

12) What disease was Mun's nephew, Danilo, NOT misdiagnosed with?

a) acute cerebellar ataxia
b) retinitis pigmentosa
c) adrenoleukodystrophy
d) mitochondrial myopathy

13) Match the soundtrack playing in Mun's head with the death (4 points possible)

a) Grandma ____ I) Broken Bicycles by Tom Waits
b) Mommy ____ II) The Dimming of the Day by Richard Thompson
c) Fergie ______ III) Only the Good Die Young by Billy Joel
d) Fritzie ______ IV) Medley of La Boheme and La Traviata

Your score means:

0-4 Like how Frank Sinatra chastised the woman refusing to join him in a menage a trois, "Come on.Get with it, babe."

5-8 Impressive how you got so many points by randomly guessing. Now guess who's in the running to win a prize. (Hint: Not you)

9-14 Your high score indicates an in depth knowledge of Mun's psyche. How fulfilling this must be for you.

15-19 You are known to blurt out, "Mun Mittelbach is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've met in my entire life."

20-21 Yeah, um, I don't think I want to be this close anymore

April is the cruelest flavor of the month. You can tell her I said so.

Here's a memory from 8th grade. This boy named Morgan asked to borrow my liquid paper in history class. Later in the period it was returned to me, but instead of the label saying "Liquid Paper Correction Fluid," he had meticulously altered it to say, "Squid Raper Erection Fluid." I thought it was rather clever.