Dear Miss Evilkins,

Sharpening your claws on Eeyore last night was the wrong move. Don't you know he's the spokesdonkey for PETSA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Stuffed Animals)? He's likely to have you extradicted to the Hague.

I long to stroke your silky tail, but I'm stuck here at the stupid worky place.

Mun Mun

Dear Inkblot,

I know it was you who pissed on the floor. Don't blame it on Milo. Face it. We are in an abusive relationship. The nightly chomping incidents must cease. If not, I will crush you like a walnut. I love you, you gorgeous piece of fluff.

Mun Mun