Yesterday my vagina fell asleep. Does this ever happen to you?

Peter, the founder of the company I've worked for for 8+ years is leaving today. I'm not sure if it's voluntary or not. Peter is a cool dude. He's a poet who ended up running a corporation, then giving up control to a CEO-bot that was supposed to be better at "growing the company." Our sweet little startup that had the philosophy "as few rules as possible" became an uptight place with a dress code. Years ago Peter encouraged a flurry of haiku contests where people anonymously taped haikus all over the hallways. This is despite the fact that the haikus were not always expressing joyful sentiments about the workplace. I'm sure taping 30 poems to the wall complaining about network problems, rude customers, and general angst would be a reason for disciplinary action now. Nevertheless I left this hanging outside Peter's office.

Haiku for Peter
Thank you for having a soul
Infotrieve loves ya

Fady

You ask me if I'm a cynical person
and I realize I don’t know the meaning of the word
and have to look it up in the dictionary
same as captious
marked by an often ill-natured inclination to stress faults and raise objections
contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives
Okay then

Broken Bicycles

Broken bicycles,
Old busted chains,
With busted handle bars
Out in the rain.
Somebody must
Have an orphanage for
All these things that nobody
Wants any more
September's reminding July
It's time to be saying good-bye.

Summer is gone,
Our love will remain.
Like old broken bicycles
Out in the rain.

Broken Bicycles,
Don't tell my folks;
There's all those playing cards
Pinned to the spokes,
Laid down like skeletons
out on the lawn.
The wheels won't turn
When the other has gone.
The seasons can turn on a dime,
Somehow I forget every time;
For all the things that you've given me
Will always stay
Broken, but I'll never throw them away

--Tom Waits

I made this deal with the universe a while back that if Danilo could be made to walk again, I'd be so happy, I'd quit being gloomy forever. If it pans out, I'm not sure how the hell I’m going to keep up my end of it.

The Fergie-dog Haiku Series

A motto for dogs
"Forget about being petted,
If you roll in shit"

Yes! Dead grass, debris
At construction site, no cares
Ideal shit venue

Merrily wagging
The Ook'em Snook'em Poobot
Tramples the flowers

Expert detective
Fergie is sniffing for clues
Great Shit Mystery

I'm just going to say it.

Rest in peace, Spalding Gray. I'll miss you.

More Yankee Cryptozoology

I was combing through "Yankee Talk: A Dictionary of New England Expressions" by Robert Hendrickson again and was surprised to find I overlooked three mythical animal listings. Here they are:

Filliloo bird -An imaginary bird of Maine fables that flies backward to see where it's been or to keep the wind out of its face.

Glauackus - The name of an imaginary monster first reported in Connecticut in 1939, when a wire service story told of a mysterious beast variously resembling a lion, panther or boar, among all sorts of descriptions, that terrified the people of Glastonbury. It has been sighted since by all sorts of people except skeptics.

Witherlick - A mythical animal of the lumber camps

No globsters listed. Aren't you glad we straightened this out?

Regarding yesterday's post, I bet you didn't know Maggie was a Zen Master, did you?

Mun: Is it hot or cold outside?

Maggie: Both.

Idea for a bad advertising campaign

Why just sit shiva? Sit Chivas Regal!

Hummmmmmmmmmmmm

Mr. Rubin is rotating the ice cube trays in heaven now.