Has anyone else noticed that whenever they play "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" on commercial television, they cut out all the sex scenes and insert an upsetting abortion scene that wasn't in the theatrical version? Just wondering.

Tonight I'm having dinner with Michael Dukakis...along with 30 other people. My favorite quote from Dukakis during the 1988 presidential campaign was,

"They say I'm dispassionate. That doesn't effect me one way or the other. They say I'm arrogant. But I know better. They say I'm a technocrat. But only 15%!"

I thought he should have gotten elected based on his skill at hiring joke-writers alone. But then again, I also love Belgian Endive.

Went to see my former jiu jitsu teacher, Vitor Belfort, fight in the UFC in Las Vegas. It was possibly the shortest fight in UFC history because Vitor landed a punch that cut Randy Couture's lower eyelid. The referee stopped the fight because of the blood in his eye. So, Vitor won.

I was sad to read on the web that the T-shirt Vitor was wearing had a picture of his sister because she's gone missing in Brazil.

I think I need jiu jitsu in my life again.

Yesterday my vagina fell asleep. Does this ever happen to you?

Peter, the founder of the company I've worked for for 8+ years is leaving today. I'm not sure if it's voluntary or not. Peter is a cool dude. He's a poet who ended up running a corporation, then giving up control to a CEO-bot that was supposed to be better at "growing the company." Our sweet little startup that had the philosophy "as few rules as possible" became an uptight place with a dress code. Years ago Peter encouraged a flurry of haiku contests where people anonymously taped haikus all over the hallways. This is despite the fact that the haikus were not always expressing joyful sentiments about the workplace. I'm sure taping 30 poems to the wall complaining about network problems, rude customers, and general angst would be a reason for disciplinary action now. Nevertheless I left this hanging outside Peter's office.

Haiku for Peter
Thank you for having a soul
Infotrieve loves ya

Fady

You ask me if I'm a cynical person
and I realize I don’t know the meaning of the word
and have to look it up in the dictionary
same as captious
marked by an often ill-natured inclination to stress faults and raise objections
contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives
Okay then

Broken Bicycles

Broken bicycles,
Old busted chains,
With busted handle bars
Out in the rain.
Somebody must
Have an orphanage for
All these things that nobody
Wants any more
September's reminding July
It's time to be saying good-bye.

Summer is gone,
Our love will remain.
Like old broken bicycles
Out in the rain.

Broken Bicycles,
Don't tell my folks;
There's all those playing cards
Pinned to the spokes,
Laid down like skeletons
out on the lawn.
The wheels won't turn
When the other has gone.
The seasons can turn on a dime,
Somehow I forget every time;
For all the things that you've given me
Will always stay
Broken, but I'll never throw them away

--Tom Waits

I made this deal with the universe a while back that if Danilo could be made to walk again, I'd be so happy, I'd quit being gloomy forever. If it pans out, I'm not sure how the hell I’m going to keep up my end of it.

The Fergie-dog Haiku Series

A motto for dogs
"Forget about being petted,
If you roll in shit"

Yes! Dead grass, debris
At construction site, no cares
Ideal shit venue

Merrily wagging
The Ook'em Snook'em Poobot
Tramples the flowers

Expert detective
Fergie is sniffing for clues
Great Shit Mystery

I'm just going to say it.

Rest in peace, Spalding Gray. I'll miss you.