Rumpelstiltskin is alive and printing ass porn for free at the library.

New idiom

 "Listen tight"

Sometimes people come up to me in the library saying random crazy stuff and I write it down. Here are some notes on a P-slip I just found:

"Tell John,

Tom, Shirley, Anthony

No longer write fake books

Wash your hands

It's gonna be out

That's it"

 TMW you are talking to an upset person in the middle of the night and they are "worried about their ranking with the lion," and you realize they are sleepwalking.

More kid grammar

 "I missed Milo just a little bit when we was at France."

A nice turn of phrase as my kid recounts her dream

"I just fainted 'cos I got undid of the hypnotism."

And no one will get to 50 unscathed

You (haughty whippersnappers in your 20s): You are old and lame. Watch our dust, old person.

Me (in my 30s): I didn't think I was that old...

You (now in late 30s or early 40s): Wait, we are old and dumpy. Our hairline receded a long time ago. Nobody thinks we are cool anymore. Our faces are puffy and we look like shit.  And you look exactly the same more or less.

Me (49): Hahahahahahahaha

 

My daughter's creative grammar

"I by accidentally spilled some."

Winchell-Mahoney Time Lyrics (1954 Decca)

(Kids) Yay!
(Paul) Hiya, boys and girls!
(Kids)Hiya, Paul
(Jerry) Hiya kids!
(Kids)Hiya Jerry
(Jerry)Welcome to another meeting of the Jerry Mahoney Club, heh heh heh heh
(Paul)Say boys and girls would you like to join us right now and sing our theme song?
(Kids) Yeah!
(Jerry) Okay, Milt, let's go

Hooray! Hoorah!
It's Winchell-Mahoney Time and Winchell-Mahoney Time
Is time for fun

Hooray! Hurrah!
We're glad everybody's here
C'mon let us hear a cheer from everyone

So ready in your places
Light up your happy faces
Ya gotta yell and tell 'em who you are
Hip hip
Hooray! Hoorah!
Cis boom bah

(Paul)Scotty waddy doo doo, --You!
(Kids)Scotty waddy doo doo
(Paul) Everybody!
(Kids) Scotty waddy doo doo time

Hooray, Hoorah
(instrumental)
Hooray, Hoorah
(instrumental)
Hip Hip
Hooray! Hoorah!
Cis Boom Bah
(instrumental)

(Jerry)Go ahead, Knuckle, take it

(Knucklehead) OK, here I go
Hooray, Hoorah
It's Winchell-Mahoney Time and Winchell-Mahoney Time
Is time for fun

Hooray, hoorah
We're glad everybody's here
C'mon let us hear a cheer from everyone

(Jerry) Irving?
(Irving) So ready in your places
Light up your happy faces
You gotta yell hooray!

(Paul)Everybody
Hip Hip
Hooray! Hoorah!
Cis Boom Bah
(Paul)Now me, Scotty watty doo doo-- You!
(Kids)Scotty watty doo doo
(Paul) Everyone!
(All)Scotty watty doo doo time

My daughter says we could write a superhero story about my father. "You know how there's Superman? He could be SuperOldMan."